No Title

December 17, 2012



I couldn't think of a title for today. If this isn't the $#@!&* bottom of the barrel of an occurrence for our country, I don't know what is.

This is my 4th attempt at a post.

The others were full of anger, because I feel very full of anger. I've written things in anger in the past that did not end well for me, so I'm trying to learn from that mistake.

After reading what I wrote a few times...I just was like, oh screw it. There's no point to this. People don't really need to be reading about my anger right now. I kept deleting paragraph after paragraph.

It is unimaginable what happened to these children, these small kids who were only a few years away from their toddler years...and yet it happened. It would have been equally horrifying to have had this happen to any other group of kids, but that it happened to the the littlest ones among us....I don't think anyone's stomach will unclench about this, ever.

For those who suffered ~ I am so sorry. I think a new word for 'sorry' needs to be invented for what we feel for those families, because sorry just doesn't seem to cut it. Seems so lackluster. I think we're all feeling more than sorrow.

The image of a teacher reading to her class to calm them keeps running through my head like a ticker tape.
For all of us, Is this how it is now? Fear over the basic act of sending one's child to school? Fear of going out and seeing a film, or buying some shoes?  One could say, 'I choose to live without fear', but you know what, that's not me. I was already living in fear because I have massive anxiety. I know statistics lend themselves more towards safety than towards catastrophic events like these, but I worry. I fear.

Don't we need to do something? What can we do?

I so wish I knew what that was.

I thought that after this, I was going to shut down the blog. Was I really going to keep prattling on about my cats or what show I watched on TV? But I do love sharing the books I find for children with you, so I guess I'll keep going.

I listened to my daughter sing 'Jingle Bells' the other day and I don't know if it made me happier or more sad. Because every parent should be able to hear their child sing 'Jingle Bells' at this time of year. Or sing anything at all. I look into my daughter's eyes, and I just wonder what I can do to make her world a better and safer place.

Going to stop talking now. All I've said here is a whole lot of Not Very Much. But I couldn't just stay silent and show a book today. This guy was able to get his point across without all the yelling I want to do.

xoxo




25 comments:

  1. Yep. Just yep. To everything.

    But life goes on, and we all need our happy place. And we have babies to take care of and it's Christmas, so I think we have permission to continue to document our frivolity.

    It doesn't mean we don't remember. We still cry and worry and grieve and wonder how to keep moving. xxxxxoooo

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    1. Loooved that picture of your sweet girls today, that honestly did more to lift my spirits than anything in the past few days. That, and watching Julia do her 'Egyptian Chicken Dance' (there's no explanation for how that came into being.)

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    2. More on this Egyptian Chicken Dance at a later time, please.

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  2. It all just seems so unreal to me. I can't wrap my head around it still. I've kept my blog quiet too. It just didn't seem right posting about crafts and the like. What you do though is not frivolous. What you do is make me smile, and laugh and feel inspired. We need that. Please keep doing what you do.

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    1. Thank you Ness. The stepping away from blogging thought was a short lived one. I love sharing the books and our sillies and I love the friends I've made. I've loved learning about photography. Right now, I just feel so helpless and inept. I love children so much. I always have. The thought of them being hurt just makes me crazy. xoxoxo

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  3. I beg you please don't shut down the blog! I subscribe to so many blogs and yours is always my favorite. Even when I'm busy and just delete the emails that are blog notifications I always stop to read yours. Sometimes it may seem petty raving about books or cats or whatever when tragic things happen, but that's exactly what terrorists (basically he's a terrorist IMO) want to happen. They want to inflict fear and panic and make "normal" life cease to exist. Everyone needs escape and things to be cheery about :-)

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    1. Oh gosh golly Amanda, you are so nice!! Oh pickle, I hope it doesn't seem like I was fishing for Don't Go! comments. I just honestly thought, oh wow, is it ok to keep talking about Normal Stuff? From time to time, I read about people wanting to step away -- it's really really such a commitment to put out a daily blog and when one doesn't get paid for it, it truly is a labor of love. It is so much work. Another blog I really like, Millefeuilles, the lovely blog owner Miss Stephanie was thinking of stepping away after the holidays and I was like OH NO! No!!

      No worries. I'm too enchanted by the books to I see to stop sharing.

      Here's to finding a way through the dark times.

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  4. That was a really good NY Times article that you linked to. I have a FB friend who is posting things about how gun control wouldn't have made any difference, and it's making me crazy.... I haven't said anything though because I don't know if starting a FB comment war is going to change anything...

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    1. I know EXACTLY what you mean Leanne -- same thing on my FB. infuriating. Another friend posted the NY Times article on FB, it was one of the few things I've read that I liked! xoxoxo

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  5. I'm glad you posted this today. We are all feeling the need to talk about it even if we don't have a clue what to say.

    This has been one of my toughest weeks ever as a parent. My boys are a bit older and so unfortunately not oblivious to news events. But the mall shooting last week was at "our" mall. Somewhere we have been a million times. I had to reassure them that the mall was still safe, and that as much as they were hearing about it, these types of things are extremely rare. And then Friday happened. I didn't even want to tell my youngest about it, but my fear/hope was that they will be doing lockdown drills at school.

    And so we spent the weekend doing Christmasy things. This morning, instead of going to the gym and putting away laundry I am belting out carols with Mariah Carey and bopping around to Jack Johnson because it makes me feel better. After school there will be hot cocoa - the real thing, not powdered mix with hot water, just because. I just crushed up a huge amount of ice in my food processor so that tonight our Elf on the Shelf can bring snow that my 9 year old so desperately wants. That I had to discuss such horrific things with someone who still believes that a plush elf from Target can bring him snow from the North Pole is beyond wrong.

    Well now that my comments are longer than your original post, what I really want to say is to please keep doing what you're doing. We need more sillies, and cats, and Egyptian Chicken Dances. Enjoying our kids being kids, I think, is the best thing we can do right now.

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    1. oh Paula, I want you to know your comment left me in tears. (In a GOOD way!) At what a sweet Mama you are. Crushing up the ice! What a clever idea!

      My biggest worry right now is that J will find out. Because she's under age 7, we're trying to keep this from her, but then of course one runs the risk of them hearing about it somewhere else. She has anxiety leanings like I do, and we just thought that if we can get away with her not knowing, that would be so much better. I've been reading all day about ways to talk to kids about tragedy.

      Ness, from One Perfect Day, did a Sunday parenting link up like she usually does, and one blogger left a post linked up about talking to kids about this stuff and that post had within it a TON of really helpful links. The most useful stuff I've found so far.

      I'm imagining your sweet boy seeing the 'snow'. Children, they are magical creatures. I thought I was being funny, and I wrapped a present for Julia and put on the tag that it was from her Blanky. You know, thinking she would think it was a joke. SHE REALLY BELIEVES IT, that this gift is from her blanket! (Andrew is shaking his head at me that I even began this kettle of malarkey..:)

      Mariah Carey Christmas CD is one of my all time favs. I just love it.

      xoxoxoxo

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    2. I am so hoping you don't have to have this talk with Julia. I would have done anything to keep my guys in the dark. There was no way to avoid discussing the mall incident, it was literally just to close to home (3 miles away) so there was already a lot of talk at school. I was afraid since everybody was already talking, that it would just kind of evolve to include both tragedies, and it did, so I'm glad they heard it from me. They are older though.

      I am cracking up at the blanky gift! You're awesome! You have to do stuff like that, they're only young once. Someday we'll discuss why I throw a birthday party every year for a stuffed alligator.

      I am off to build my freezer snowman now!

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  6. Melissa, you are so sweet and your post managed to put into words what many of us have been struggling with. I think horrible tragedies like this one are so much harder for us to assimilate simply because they hit so close to home. We have young children of our own. We send them to school, trusting they will be safe. So when we see this happen, we think, "This could have been my child." And our hearts break for those children and their families because we know it could so easily be us in their shoes.

    Many hugs to you. Keep on writing and bringing sunshine to your little corner of the blogosphere. We love you!

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    1. You hit the nail on the head Michelle. This could have been any one of us, that's what is so terrifying. And for most of us, our children are the lights of our world. They ARE our world.

      Virtual hugs whirling right back at you and can't wait to hear more about your brand new baby soon :)

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  7. we need to remember to band together despite political leanings and whatnot and understand that your children are my children are our children. we can't just be sad..we have to make change. we have to make change everyone.

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    1. you said it, sister. loved your post today. you spoke my brain's thoughts better than I spoke my own brain's thoughts :)

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  8. I've been such an emotional wreckage I couldn't even begin to write about what happened... you did well. It's beyond heartbreaking. Gotta love our babies and be grateful that through it all they keep the smiles coming to our faces. xoxox

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    1. I'm with ya my friend -- I haven't been able to sleep and have had some other health issues going on on top of everything and right now, I want to take a long winter's nap under piles of blankets and come out sometime in mid-March. :)
      And as crappy as we all feel? I can't imagine the families in Conn. OMG I just want to go back in time, I want to hug them all, I just want this never to have happened. Bless all of their hearts. It's beyond what humans should endure.

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  9. Dear Melissa,

    Your thoughts echo mines. I do feel all this as well but you wrote it better than I could express myself. But please don't stop blogging. Your posts are my little rays of sunshine each day :) I am sure others would feel the same too. Don't let anger and fear stop you from doing what you like!

    Last year, I was shocked when my boy told me they had lockdown drills at his elementary school. What is our world coming to? :(

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    1. Such sadness. It's just all such sadness. Be well and be safe, my friend :)

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  10. I know. I am with you. I am so with you. Although I seem to be more in the tender heart broken stage right now. I'm bewildered. I feel like if we cant make real changes after this, there must be nothing to make us change. I'm holding onto hope though. There is more good in people than bad. We just have to remember how it is to come together, we've been divided too long. They were so little...our girls' age. I cant imagine. I just keep hugging and nuzzling and feeling a little guilty that I'm still able to do that. There has to be something good coming out of this. It cany be in vain.

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    1. You are so uplifting Heather, I love that about you and your blog! Give your little girl an extra squeeze from me and Julia :)

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  11. Been unable to even write a post till today (wed), but you have said it all so well here. (Also, have not read anything since that day. Here I am catching back up with the world and praying for things to change for the better. ) Don't stop blogging, but I know how you feel. It's almost like anything we can say is so pointless after such senseless violence.

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    1. I'm going to keep on blogging, I'm too chatty to stop. :)
      Right there with you in hoping that our children are protected...xoxoxo

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