Chicken Dance

March 7, 2013

Just a day in the life of an Egyptian Chicken Dancing Girl. What is the Egyptian Chicken Dance? I have no idea. But this is what it looks like.

These pictures were taken right before she got sick with...everything. Ear infection, sinus infection, bronchitis, a week of fever. I seriously think she got the flu, despite having received a flu shot. Each time she gets sick I always think it's because she was a c-section baby and she didn't get her chest squeezed enough during the birthing process and that's made her chest and lungs weak.

I'll have guilt about that forever I think, because my c-section was elective. I had gestational diabetes and my attorney dad (who, in his defense, has seen the worst of the worst of everything) convinced me that dire consequences might potentially befall my baby if we didn't get her out by 38 weeks. Basically every day of my pregnancy I was convinced I was going to lose her, so I was not in a very good place to be making rational decisions. I didn't trust the process. My OB thought it was a good idea because I had so much anxiety, and also I'm sure she thought it was the prudent way to go when dealing with a family of lawyers. I bled and spotted almost every single day of my first trimester and a couple weeks into the second, and was out of my mind with worry. And I'm telling you all this because I don't know why.

But we've spent more time together in the past 2 weeks than we've spent together in ages, it seems like. We read three Ramona books, the 'Miss Happiness and Miss Flower' book and about 5 Junie B. books. We watched a lot of movies. 

Pretty much everything we own is on the floor right now. There are leftover balloons from her birthday still. I think I'll make it a priority to almost always have balloons inflated in the house. At any given moment when one is bored, you can just start batting a balloon at someone's head.

We just sat and cuddled and talked. We didn't fight with each other as much as usual. She made 'measuring tapes' out of crepe paper and washi tape. And then charged me $2 per measuring tape. Little does she know that I paid her by running and stealing quarters out of her piggy bank.
She announced her intention to have a shop someday where she sells 'useful things'. Wasn't that a Stephen King book? I think that was 'Needful Things'.

She asked me why I don't have "a real job". 

I asked her, "Do you want me to?" 

"No."

I didn't get much else done and the grey weather has me barely functioning right now, but I held her and kissed her and was just grateful grateful grateful (i say things 3x now like Eloise's Nanny.) that I can hang with this kid.


(P.S. I'm noticing my white chair that I got from my mom in the last photo. No one sits in that chair. BECAUSE IT'S FLIPPING WHITE. I'm going to recover that chair as soon as I possibly can. But choosing a fabric might take me 5 years. I want to cover it in something crazy, like butterflies.)

(P.P.S. Julia is doing so much better now!!)





21 comments:

  1. What a heart warming post, you're relationship with Julia is beautiful.

    The white chair looks gorgeous! X

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    1. Thanks Mr. Hamilton :) - I always have to call you 'mister'. In respect for your Britishness.

      Actually the cat likes to sit in that chair a lot!

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  2. Wow that was a very stressful pregnancy. So nice that you could have such a relaxing couple of weeks with Julia, in spite of her sickness.

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    1. Oh it was. SO stressful. For a long time I wished I could have another pregnancy just so I could do it without fear. Even after the bleeding stopped, I still was checking for it every day. Then towards the end, the ultrasound techs began asking me 'Has anyone talked to you about the size of your baby?' and that REALLY freaked me out! Ironically, she wasn't that big, about 8 lbs.

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  3. Melissa, this is such a great post. I know this will seem crazy, but I love reading people's birth stories. I'm sorry you feel such deep guilt about your C-section. My bestie had to have one as well, and for a long time she felt very guilty and sad about it too. You did what you thought was right at the time, and now you have much wisdom that you will be able to share with your own daughter when she is pregnant someday. You know, I had some crazy bleeding when I was pregnant with Master W. and it completely freaked me out. It was heavy enough that the doctor suspected I may have been pregnant with twins and lost one. That still blows my mind. I don't know what the point of all this is... maybe just to tell you that it's okay that you had one. You're still a hero for giving birth to your daughter - heck, recovery from a C-section is tough sledding. xoxo

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    1. Oh thank you Michelle!! I'm so relieved people aren't virtually throwing eggs at me. :) I almost scrapped the whole thing. If I had had another baby I for sure would have tried for a VBAC. My c-section recovery sucked, I had pain for 6 months. I've had other friends who've had them and they were fine after 2 weeks.

      In the end, I have my daughter and that's all I care about. But it would have been fun to have been one of those ladies who breeze thru pregnancy and never felt better and all that. The whole thing was the hardest thing I've ever done. xoxoxo

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  4. beautiful post. It's crazy how much self inflicted guilt is wrapped up in parenting... you mentioned once that you might have liked to have maybe two children but then after your pregnancy there's no wonder you decided one was the right number for you guys. I can't imagine the stress of all that bleeding and the diabetes, anyone would have intense anxiety under those circumstances!

    Julia is beautiful and full of life... I'm glad you got to snuggle her for a week and even more glad she's back to being better! xoxo

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    1. Man, I'm a real pro when it comes to self-flagellation! Ideally, I would have loved 3. My free advice for all the ladies out there: START YOUNGER. More energy. I had energy to burn when I was 26, as opposed to 36! I would have loved to have had kids younger and spaced apart. (I know there are pros and cons to that.)

      She's way better! Back to being a sassy monkey, that's how we know she's doing better when the attitude starts coming back in full force :) XOXO

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    2. So I'm 32 right now... and I can tell you it is INCREDIBLE how little energy I have during this pregnancy. I'm never pleasant during pregnancy... I just feel terrible the whole time. BUT this time the energy level is at an all time low. I blame it on age. (and winter... and having three very active children)

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  5. Dear Melissa, you write beautifully and I don't know how you do it even when you are upset or sad! But your story today touched me a lot because I think we all have guilt feelings not matter how our pregnancy and delivey went! Both my kids were born prematurely and I am always thinking it is my fault for not being healthy enough, not careful enough etc. Normal delivery moms will probably feel guilty other reasons as well!

    I think you did a great job with Miss Julia who is an adorable child! I hope she feels better soon the poor dear. Much kisses and hugs xoxoxo

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    1. I like to talk a lot! I like talking here. And I like to do it even if we're sick or there's some family trauma going on. I like knowing that this space here is friendly and fun and I can get away from whatever's going on in the outside world. I guess that's why people like TV?

      I also like TV. :)

      Thank you so so much for being so kind to me here and always giving such lovely and sweet comments in regards to whatever babble I'm writing about on any particular day :) xoxoxoxo

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  6. I had an elective c-section too. I too had GD and the doctors convinced me and my hubs she was too big to have vaginally. They basically thought she was 10+ pounds. Turned out she was 8 pounds and I could have handled it.
    I too carry lots of guilt because of it.

    But hey I was a c-section baby (I turned around last minute and that was an auto c-section in the 70s) and I turned out fine.

    She is one cute funny girl.
    I love these pictures.
    I love that you sat around hanging.
    And her response to your question about a real job.

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    1. Wow Juju! we have such similar stories! thanks so much for sharing that with me. I did have one funny moment during my c-section. I was so terrified, I was like, 'please just tell me before they start cutting.' and the doc who had given me the spinal meds bent down and said, 'they've already started' I was stunned. I had felt nothing.

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  7. This is such a wonderful post, Melissa. I totally get where you're coming from with the c-section thing. I'll tell you my first birth story sometime. There was a lot of guilt there, too. These pictures are wonderful. I'm glad you guys got so much quality time together. I'm behind on everything today, because Little Sis is sick again. She had a high fever and was hacking and snoring all night. I didn't sleep much myself...

    (Cute butterfly chair!)

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    1. it's time for all the sicknesses to fly far far away! everyone has had far too much of their fair share. hope you both get some decent sleep tonight! xoxoxo

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  8. Thanks for sharing all this Melissa....
    Your girl is here - that is all that matters. I so wish I had someone to tell me back during my first pregnancy that it would be dangerous for me to go over my due date because of my gestational diabetes. As a result... I went to 41 weeks and Cam died. There is absolutely no need for you to feel an ounce of guilt for the c-section decision, in my opinion. You did what you thought would be best for the baby, and that is the best any mother can do in any circumstance.
    Sending you so much love,
    Ronnie xo

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    1. Oh Ronnie. I've read your stories about Cam and I've cried a lot over them. I have to tell you, another thing that colored my decision was the fact that what happened to you also happened to a co-worker of mine. She lost her first born son in much the same way you did. She went on to have two other beautiful children, but to sit near her every day during that pregnancy and then to see that happen to someone. It was unbelievable.

      Here's to children getting into this world in whatever way works out ~ just as long as they get here! xoxoxo

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  9. Wow, Melissa, what an honest post, thank you for sharing. I love it. Sometimes parenting just feels like we're damned if we do and damned if we don't, there's no just doing it right. My first was an emergency c-section and was so traumatizing, I couldn't talk about it for years without crying- the guilt was palpable (I had really just visualized an all-natural birth but good lord, nature had other plans). My second I thought I wanted a vbac, but my hospital wouldn't do one and I planned her c-section which in the end actually brought a lot of healing and was just what I needed. Very full circle. I'm sorry to hear that Julia was sick, but what a nice opportunity to just hunker down with her. Glad the poor dear's feeling better.

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    1. Thank you Amelie!! What lovely people you all are. So kind! I was not sure I should be talking about this stuff here, but it just wanted to come out. I tell you what else didn't work out the way I intended it to ~ breastfeeding. Oh man, I was going to be the breastfeeding champion of the world! I was gonna breastfeed until people looked at me funny! It was going to be the best thing ever ~ except it wasn't. We lasted almost 5 months and then both Julia and I were so much happier when we stopped. That was an even bigger disappointment to me than the c-section. But in the end, it didn't matter terribly much and life marches on. And now I get to read chapter books to my sassy silly daughter and that's the coolest thing ever. :)

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  10. So glad Julia is feeling better but it's nice that you got to spend so much time with her! She sounds like a fantastic, lovely, bright, pretty, hilarious, sweet little lady! Yes, I can relate to the c-section situation. Both my kids were. My oldest was a week overdue and we induced and he just wasn't in the right place to come out vaginally. My doctor strongly advised us to have a c-section--which we did. My second was elective...kind of. Like you with Julia, my second pregnancy was terrifying. We had several miscarriages after my son and my doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Well, after my husband and I discussed more permanent options of birth control (ahem) we had a little surprise named Clara. I have never been so scared so continuously in my life. I saw my doctor and a perinatal specialist once a week (they both were so awesome! I love them.) and had many ultrasounds, stress tests, etc. At 38 weeks I fell...right on my belly--I was like, "Are you @(#*ing kidding me?" Well, Clara was fine but I had had it, told my doctor I was DONE. We delivered her the next day via c-section, which my doctor thought was a very good call because my amniotic fluid was much lower than the week before. Clara was in the NICU for a week to help her little lungs that weren't quite ready but what a relief and she's doing fantastical! Anyway, just loved your post and it opened my flood gates with my own experience. Guess I needed to get that out :) Thank you!!! p.s. Love the photos!

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    1. I'm greatly appreciative that you shared your story with me Michelle. Thank you SO much! I'm so so sorry you fell on your tummy, oh my goodness oh my goodness I'm relieved and glad everything turned out ok. I LOVE the name Clara! I think I didn't know that's what your baby's name was! I tell you, mommies should get medals and diamonds and flowers and showers of rose petals strewn over them each and every Mother's Day, don't you think? :)

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