It's my favorite time of year, my lovelies! The time to UNLEASH ANDREW. Unfortunately, I can't unleash him as much as I would truly truly love to (way too many Very Bad and Offensive Words), but even just a little off the leash, he is still full of the hilarious.
I really really should just let my husband loose on the internet. He'd have 10k Facebook fans and Twitter followers overnight. I asked him over to come sit by me, to help me on a 'project'. He eyed me suspiciously and sat down.
"What am I doing here?"
I asked him if he remembered helping me with last summer's list.
I prompted him to think very hard.
"Oh I kinda remember that now. Alright. I like judging books by their covers....."
Anyway, last year's theme was East Coast prep schools. Yes, that's a theme. This year's theme is the struggling rich country estate. 'Black Lake: A Novel' is by Johanna Lane and centers around a family's quest to preserve the legacy of their Irish cliffside mansion.
Andrew says: "Is there anything more pretentious than throwing in 'A Novel' into your title??! 'I wrote a NOVEL.' The writer probably had to say that because 'Black Lake' sounds so generic. Is this some BS coming of age thing?"
'We Were Liars' by E. Lockhart looks AWESOME. It's a YA fiction book about a girl on some private island, owned by her family, who was in some accident and can't recall the past few years of her life.
Andrew says: "The main girl's name is CADENCE SINCLAIR EASTON. Isn't that the name of a My Little Pony? All your books consist of rich kids at rambling country estates or private islands."
I asked him, 'Do you see why I want to read it??'
He said: "Unfortunately, I do."
'The Lost' by Sarah Beth Durst is one I really want to read. It's about a girl who winds up in an isolated, mystical town filled with broken, thrown away things. Whenever she tries to leave, dust storms force her back. The townfolk tell her she has to figure out what she's missing before she can leave.....
Andrew says: "Is this town Storybrooke?"
"Is it supposed to SYMBOLIZE something? *bleep*. I almost feel like the word 'Lost' is some kind of ALLEGORY of some kind. Maybe she's lost too!!! She needs to find HERSELF. *more bleeping*.
Is there an estate?"
For some reason, this book elicited a LOT of colorful language from him.
Maggie Stiefvater, I ADORE her books. 'Sinner' picks up with a character from her 'Shiver' werewolf trilogy. The main character, Cole St. Clair, heads to California to pursue the girl who got away, after their lives were nearly ruined by all the werewolf biz.
Andrew says: "Cole St. Clair?? *BLEEP*. Is he related to the girl in that other book? Who writes the synopsis blurbs on Amazon? Maybe the book is good, but I wouldn't know based on the Amazon synopsis. Going off that, I'm pretty sure this is the worst thing to ever happen in the literary world."
(he has a point. you must read the Amazon plot summary. it is.....pretty absurd. you deserve better, Maggie Stiefvater!! i'll still read the book because I'll read anything she writes.)
'The Book of Life' by Deborah Harkness is the last book in her 'All Souls Trilogy'. These are pretty fun books that I've been reading as they come along, all about a lady scholar who turns out to be a witch, who ends up marrying a vampire/scientist (apparently that's a thing), and they time travel together.
Andrew says: ........*stunned silence*. "Why not? I feel like all these writers who create books like this have dice or cards with random things written down, like 'werewolf' or 'vampire' or 'time travel' and whatever combo they roll, that's the plot they write. Vampires + Time Travel + Mysterious Family Estate....Ok let's get to work!"
'Empire Girls' by Suzanne Hayes & Loretta Nyhan is set in the 1920's and focuses on two sisters, Ivy and Rose. They are polar opposites of each other, but must seek middle ground in order to find out why their father fell into financial ruin and left their beloved family house to a brother they never knew existed.
Andrew says: "Oh another estate! I've never heard of a plot like this before. I think it really is going to shed new light on the human condition. Ivy and Rose? Why are they named after plants?"
'The Witch of Belladonna Bay' by Suzanne Palmieri has been noted as a book that will appeal to fans of 'Garden Spells' by Sarah Addison Allen. (I LOVE THAT BOOK.) So I'm totally up to read this one about a girl returning to the Alabama town from which she once fled, in an attempt to understand why her brother would murder her best friend from childhood.....
Andrew says: "Oh, Southern fiction. You mean like William Faulkner?"
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. You know what? I tire of Andrew laughing at everything I read. I think next year, or this fall, I'll have HIM make HIS list, and then we can all gasp at the hilarity of his sci-fi book covers from the 1960's and whatnot. It'll be a great and interesting list that no one really wants to read.
His list will include poetry, Japanese memoirs, and existential tomes written in shifting narratives that are incomprehensible. We'll all stand around marveling at how his list is so cool and smart. And then we can go back to reading YA fiction about werewolves......
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